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I've always been curious of this thing called love or relationships or whatsoever. It has so many mysteries to it. Denial, rejections, fear, happiness, sparks and etc. The funny thing about it is that the third party is always the one that has the clearest view of the situation. 

When someone falls in love, they have two reasons to not confessing; denials and rejections. In my case, my denials conquer the pie chart by 80% and the other 20% is fear of rejection. It's funny that we tend to see ourselves equally to our friends, yet we fail to do that with our crush. We tend to look down on ourselves and think that we don't deserve whoever that we've been eyeing this whole time. 

Then when you see your crush with someone else, you'll feel like he/she is better off with that person and not you. But it hurts. It hurts so much to see and think that way but being an idiot I am, I let it be. I continue to hurt myself. I find it better to watch people rather than confess, get rejected and move on. Cause the hardest part is moving on and being the lazy Shaf I am, I don't want to trouble myself by going through that. So let's just stick to the plan of watching afar and get hurt a million times a day. I'm sorry to my future crush or husband, it'll take some time before I express myself. Maybe it won't even happen. Who knows.