Should I stay or walk away?

Never have I ever thought I'll fall this hard again. Never have I ever thought I'll break this much. But that is just life. It is unexpected and full of mysteries.

He was charming, caring and all I could ever ask for. He looked out for me and always wanting to make me officially his. It was I that broke him cause I was heartbroken. He started changing and prioritized others. Not that it matter cause I still can talk to him during the day when the change occurred. Except for the fact that he was always moody and never available at night to talk to. If you realize my tenses, YES. It's past tense and it's all in the past.

Right now, we are part time strangers. Only talk when we have to and we are barely even friends. We don't look at each other nor do we talk about absolute nonsense anymore. We just talk about the important things and that "conversation" barely lasted 5 minutes and it's literally once in a fortnight. But it seems to me that he can casually talk to other girls and talk about irrelevant things to them.

Just when I was about to lose hope, that's when he walk up to me and acted as if nothing ever happened. It just break me even more. And he can't even see that I'm not okay when others can. Yes, it was calming to be able to see him smile but with my current situation, it hurts. He was able to smile when I'm obviously suffering. He was able to talk with random girls when I show that I'm miserable. Still thinking if I should stay or walk off because it just hurt too much. As much as I love him, it'll hurt less if I let go. But then again, this is my part of the story. We don't know his.

Was it worth it?

I spent two whole weeks draining my brain to speak for 7 minutes each time I stood in front to deliver my speech. Debate is not an easy thing. We need knowledge and skills to pull it out. I have neither. The journey was harsh. Training 8 till late everyday after a whole day of lectures! Thank God for the Mcdonald trips after training to release the stress.

The first round was horrible. The motion was about having multiple part time jobs instead of just one full time job. What I was up against was a bunch of people who did not hesitate to bully others. It wasn't pretty. The judge said it was a tight match and yet, we were beaten with the margin of 10 which dragged us to the bottom of the competition. Honestly, it felt like we were leading and we gave out better points but who doesn't love a little plot twist ey?

2nd round? I was up against my old friend from matriks. The funny thing about this round is that none of us expected to lose to them. In fact even the winner themselves was surprised with the result. Why they won? Apparently we left out a lot of questions (agreeable) and we didn't explain things logically. Facts are just not acceptable. We need to explain it logically. Thus, what I learn was.... No matter how stupid your thing is, if it make sense to the judge, then you'll win the debate. (Atleast the final was like that)

Last round.... My team and I went up against one of our own. It was fun to debate with them with a proper judge. We always debate with each other so it was fun. and funny. Three teams were sent by CUCMS and atleast one got through and entered the semi final. The 2nd Day of debate was spent together. Researching on the scope given. Everyone was squeezing themselves at one bench with their gadgets and papers. Definitely feel CLOSE to them. AND THEY GOT INTO THE FINAL!! and more squeezing sessions. Unfortunately, they lost to UKM. Whatever it is, it was quite a journey. Was it all worth it? I'll say it was 50/50. Because the experience was horrible but the journey with my team was sweet!

P/S: There was a Gala Night and I was supposed to be best dressed but the committee said they didn't want to be bias towards their own university so they gave the award to someone else. OUCH!

Never thought

Never thought I'd love this hard
Never thought I'd be hurt this much
Never thought he'll make me feel
The things that I feel now

Never thought I'll be happy
Never thought I'll cry so often
Never thought that he's the reason
That I'm both happy and sad

Never thought I'll be loved
Never thought I'll be crushed
Never thought that he makes me
Feel special even when he does nothing

Thoughts in class...

Moving on isn't easy
All I can do is make myself busy
Not reading your texts that are cheesy
Cause going through it is too risky

Everyday I'm deleting you slowly
Always do it half-heartedly
And sometimes over a few Raviolis
Knowing I'll never delete you wholly

I still hope that you'll be mine
Even after I was declined
Lying to myself that I am fine
While waiting for you under the moonshine

Dear friend

There are things that we want
There are things that we need
What we must do
Is put the need above want
And you'll get what you ask for
Somewhere in the future

Dear friend,
Sometimes we can't help but to ponder
About our future we wonder
We need not to overthink
Everything will come in a blink
It'll still come even with a wink

Future is a mystery
A whole new discovery
Don't turn it into misery
You may gain luxury
Or even a wife that is motherly

Worry not about things
If it is meant to be,It will be
Believe in Him you should
For he is the Almighty

Goodnight!