Without me

It seems to me you've found her
Someone that brings you laughter
Someone that you look forward to meet
Someone whom you talk with daily

It seems to me that you're happier
I used to be your happiness
And I used to be your only one
But I'm no longer your dose of happiness
Just merely a burden on your shoulder

It seems to me that you're care free
Nothing bothers you no more
You can smile joyfully
As if the world is problem free

Never thought I'll express this
Few words that'll hurt me
All I can deliver is a message
That I hope you'll be happy without me

Fear

We love,
We still do,
But I dont know if your heart
That I still have,
Cause we show it just a little
In what we do.

You've been fine,
Always have and always will hopefully,
To me your big heart
is forever mine,
In return I wish you'll take care
of my heart carefully.

Maybe one day, our two hearts
will meet again,
And when the day comes,
it will be whole one more without any pain

Of ups and downs in life
He was always there
Waiting for me
Protecting me from distance
Loving me quietly

Little did I know,
He was just as broken
And here I thought
That I was the only one
To have my heart shattered
into a thousand pieces

All it took was a phone call
To mend our hearts
And make it whole once more
As if it was never broken
and love was never hurtful

Sometimes we need to talk
To understand
To express
To confess
Our long kept love
To be able to embrace them
Once again in our arms

Nostalgic memories

I got back home just to hear a sad news. THE INTERNET ISN'T WORKING!! While I was downstairs fixing it (just reset actually), I totally forgot to bring down my phone. I mean how am I supposed to know if it is working again?? What is little for right? I asked my little sis to bring down my phone and that is when it took her forever and I started to go through some old pictures. That is when I decided to scan some pictures.

Here are a few of them that brings back a thousand memories <3

I don't even remember this but it is cute!
 Little bro and sis were so cute.
Now they are just as big as I am.

I was 8. Maybe 9. It was at Bali
Gosh I miss that hair of mine. 

At daddy's office, 2002.
I remember my pink mickey mouse socks really well
And my mum looks really young and pretty!!
So much love for her. <3

   

Happy Birthday Shahin!

Two weeks away from home and it's November!

A baby nephew of mine turns 4 yesterday and he was overexcited to blow his birthday cake.

A little celebration was all he needed to make him the happiest. Well, atleast until we made him cry by teasing him. All I did was say "MEOW" cause when someone get all comot and messy, my family will compare them to cats that drink milk messily. What am I saying? Nvm. Here are some random pictures.

 Not so childish birthday cake. Lol

Obviously a 4 years old doesn't know how to cut a cake!

His "MEOW" face

A modelling experience

A friend of mine suddenly text me and asked if I can be a photographer because he wanted to shoot for this few T-shirts he's selling. I said why not? and I joked about being one of the models. He agreed on the suggestion and I didn't know how to react. The problem was the photographer. Thankfully I asked a friend of mine and he agreed.

One the day of the photoshoot, it was rather chaotic and we were way behind the schedule. The girls had to touch up on their make up on the location and we even had to change. Thank God for clean public toilet.

There wasn't much to say except for the fact that I ruined half of the photos because I closed my eyes. HAHA! Typical Shafieza. Ruining photos is my best trait. Or not.

The experience wasn't much but getting to see my old friends? That was the best part of it. I also made new friends. Overall, it was rather exhausting but if I ever get a chance to do it again, I would. I mean who wouldn't want to look glamourous?

Pre-birthday present

Another casual day eating out. Or is it?

Class finished early and we went off to Dpulze for lunch. One girl with only RM20 in her wallet and the other didn't even bring hers. So I offered to buy them lunch. Once we had lunch, I walked to the cashier. My roommate told me they accept credit card.... Only to be taken aback cause they DONT! The cheque was RM12 over from what I had in my wallet. I literally said "Kejap" and walked off when I saw the bill. I went back to the table to ask for extra money but they were gone! Well, just the girl with the actual money went missing.

Thank god for the emergency money that I have in my wallet, I use that instead.

So... We decided to go home right after until I went down the escalator and decided to stop at MPH bookstore. Originally I wanted to buy a few pens but I got distracted by this shelf the moment I got in. Well, the three of us did and we were fangirling at how pretty the stationaries are. That's when everything started. I joked to my roommate and said "buy me this for my birthday!" To my surprise, she didn't hesitate to say no. Mainly cause she didn't know what to get me but agreeing on the spot? Like REALLY???? I rejected in denial and went back to my main focus which was pens.

Picked out a few and to the cashier I go! Well, after another tour by the shelf with pretty stationaries of course. That's when my roommate insisted on buying me my present. I agreed and picked a notebook which was RM25 and she asked to take more. Atleast until it reach 100. Honestly I didn't know how to react but she keep on pushing me so I just took a few stuff.

While lining up, I couldn't contain my excitement that even my roommate thought I have loose wire somewhere. I kept on smiling until she we got to our hostel. I was so happy that I didn't know what to say or how to react. I have always been into pretty notebooks and stationaries (eventho the chances of me using it is less than 10%). Girls will always be girls right? So here it is!

What she bought me

Other available choices

Should I stay or walk away?

Never have I ever thought I'll fall this hard again. Never have I ever thought I'll break this much. But that is just life. It is unexpected and full of mysteries.

He was charming, caring and all I could ever ask for. He looked out for me and always wanting to make me officially his. It was I that broke him cause I was heartbroken. He started changing and prioritized others. Not that it matter cause I still can talk to him during the day when the change occurred. Except for the fact that he was always moody and never available at night to talk to. If you realize my tenses, YES. It's past tense and it's all in the past.

Right now, we are part time strangers. Only talk when we have to and we are barely even friends. We don't look at each other nor do we talk about absolute nonsense anymore. We just talk about the important things and that "conversation" barely lasted 5 minutes and it's literally once in a fortnight. But it seems to me that he can casually talk to other girls and talk about irrelevant things to them.

Just when I was about to lose hope, that's when he walk up to me and acted as if nothing ever happened. It just break me even more. And he can't even see that I'm not okay when others can. Yes, it was calming to be able to see him smile but with my current situation, it hurts. He was able to smile when I'm obviously suffering. He was able to talk with random girls when I show that I'm miserable. Still thinking if I should stay or walk off because it just hurt too much. As much as I love him, it'll hurt less if I let go. But then again, this is my part of the story. We don't know his.

Was it worth it?

I spent two whole weeks draining my brain to speak for 7 minutes each time I stood in front to deliver my speech. Debate is not an easy thing. We need knowledge and skills to pull it out. I have neither. The journey was harsh. Training 8 till late everyday after a whole day of lectures! Thank God for the Mcdonald trips after training to release the stress.

The first round was horrible. The motion was about having multiple part time jobs instead of just one full time job. What I was up against was a bunch of people who did not hesitate to bully others. It wasn't pretty. The judge said it was a tight match and yet, we were beaten with the margin of 10 which dragged us to the bottom of the competition. Honestly, it felt like we were leading and we gave out better points but who doesn't love a little plot twist ey?

2nd round? I was up against my old friend from matriks. The funny thing about this round is that none of us expected to lose to them. In fact even the winner themselves was surprised with the result. Why they won? Apparently we left out a lot of questions (agreeable) and we didn't explain things logically. Facts are just not acceptable. We need to explain it logically. Thus, what I learn was.... No matter how stupid your thing is, if it make sense to the judge, then you'll win the debate. (Atleast the final was like that)

Last round.... My team and I went up against one of our own. It was fun to debate with them with a proper judge. We always debate with each other so it was fun. and funny. Three teams were sent by CUCMS and atleast one got through and entered the semi final. The 2nd Day of debate was spent together. Researching on the scope given. Everyone was squeezing themselves at one bench with their gadgets and papers. Definitely feel CLOSE to them. AND THEY GOT INTO THE FINAL!! and more squeezing sessions. Unfortunately, they lost to UKM. Whatever it is, it was quite a journey. Was it all worth it? I'll say it was 50/50. Because the experience was horrible but the journey with my team was sweet!

P/S: There was a Gala Night and I was supposed to be best dressed but the committee said they didn't want to be bias towards their own university so they gave the award to someone else. OUCH!

Never thought

Never thought I'd love this hard
Never thought I'd be hurt this much
Never thought he'll make me feel
The things that I feel now

Never thought I'll be happy
Never thought I'll cry so often
Never thought that he's the reason
That I'm both happy and sad

Never thought I'll be loved
Never thought I'll be crushed
Never thought that he makes me
Feel special even when he does nothing

Thoughts in class...

Moving on isn't easy
All I can do is make myself busy
Not reading your texts that are cheesy
Cause going through it is too risky

Everyday I'm deleting you slowly
Always do it half-heartedly
And sometimes over a few Raviolis
Knowing I'll never delete you wholly

I still hope that you'll be mine
Even after I was declined
Lying to myself that I am fine
While waiting for you under the moonshine

Dear friend

There are things that we want
There are things that we need
What we must do
Is put the need above want
And you'll get what you ask for
Somewhere in the future

Dear friend,
Sometimes we can't help but to ponder
About our future we wonder
We need not to overthink
Everything will come in a blink
It'll still come even with a wink

Future is a mystery
A whole new discovery
Don't turn it into misery
You may gain luxury
Or even a wife that is motherly

Worry not about things
If it is meant to be,It will be
Believe in Him you should
For he is the Almighty

Goodnight!

Goodbye

It was pleasure to meet you
Always have been.
I will forever wait
To see you again
And I know one day,
I will

Sometimes it's boring to have you
Staying indoor all day
Thinking what I should do
But it was okay
Cause I still have you

Little did I know
Time pass like a bullet train
It is already time
For us to go our separate ways

I'll treat you better
So please stay longer
Our memories won't be bitter
and I'll cherish it forever

Farewell holidays!

Seriously?

So today I decided to download an app on my phone. Something to make it easier for me to blog. I think there used to be a blogger app or so but I can't find it. Therefore I decided to download whatever option they provided me with.

When I downloaded it, I typed random things with the intention to post it. Guess what? I CAN'T POST IT! Why? Well, apparently I need to buy the app and it costs like $4.99. Honestly, I don't see the point of making the free one if I can't actually do anything with it. Life is so hard and it definitely needs a lot of patience. Too bad I don't have any. Decided to uninstall it after 10 mins. #thuglife

6th October 2016

Thoughts

a little confession

It feels like forever since I last write on this blog. Things have gone tougher in life and I'm becoming more busy each day. Also, I've been keeping things to myself that I don't feel comfortable sharing anymore. Atleast not to everyone. Just hope that things will turn out better than how it used to be.

1st June '16

Two strangers met and fell in love
Time spent were never enough
And they seek for more
They spent as much time together
As they will be apart
For quite some time

When the time has come
For them to be apart
She sent him to the port
To get the last glimpse of him
They looked at each other
As if they'll never meet
His eyes were full of love
And so was hers
She watched him walks away
Knowing she'll miss
Every bit of him

Things were the same
Only for a few days
They talked and loved
Like how they always do
Over time
He started to make time
For his friends
And leave her hanging
Not knowing where he is
Or who he's with
What is he doing
Or even how he is

Promises were made
He said he'll be back early
But he's never back by 12
And she'll fall asleep
Waiting for him
Even in her sleep
Hoping that he'll call
Just to hear her voice
But he never did

Day by day,
She gets weaker
She cries more
Yet she still hope
That he'll change
That things will be better
And he'll love her
Like how they first met

she tells herself to understand
That he misses his friends
He misses his home
But the only thing
That seems like he doesnt miss
Is her